By: Asha Florence Mungal
It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Is it though? The anticipation of family and friends visiting brings different levels of concern to us as caregivers.
We are under heavy scrutiny from those visiting, how our loved one is dressed, what they eat, how the house looks, and the list goes on and on.
Family and friends are often the best medicine, but it can also be the worst for our loved one and, by extension, ourselves.
Prepare the family for what to expect
Preparation is key. We need to prepare for what is coming. Start updating family and friends who want to visit about:
- Recent medical updates
- Recent medication side effects
- Changes to person’s physical structure
- Mental status
- Sudden outbursts
- Incontinence
- Dietary restrictions
Short videos and photos of your loved one can be sent to immediate family and friends, so that they are updated on the present status of your loved one.
This prepares them for their visit, thus removing shock and unwanted questions when they arrive.
Deal with visitors and crowds
Let visitors know they cannot just drop by and, if they do, that they may not be able to visit depending on what is happening with your loved one. During group gatherings, ensure that people are not smothering your loved one, which could make them feel overwhelmed and anxious. If you do have a family gathering, ensure that persons are spaced out as much as possible.
To avoid crowds, limit that big family breakfast or lunch. Yes, it sounds nice and seems lovely to the rest of us. But be mindful as to how your loved one would react. You may want to avoid having visits in the afternoon or dinner gatherings, especially for persons with Alzheimer’s/ Dementia who would experience sundowning.
There are many changes that happen while people who are familiar to you may no longer be familiar to your loved one, and visitors may seem like total strangers.
Avoid unpleasant visitors
We all have family members who love to rehash unpleasant things from the past, which could be toxic to your loved one and to yourself. Try to avoid having these persons visit.
YES, YOU READ IT CORRECTLY.
There comes a time when caring for our loved one also means making harsh decisions to remove toxic people from their space and your own. Which also means that the word NO becomes your best friend.
Whatever it may be, prepare for what you know happens, have a plan for what may happen and accept that it is going to happen.
Types of conversations
Try to sensitise visitors to the types of conversations they should have and how they should approach the person.
For example, that they should not:
- mention daddy as it upsets mom and she starts crying.
- say something like “Marilyn, I heard you wearing pampers now?”
- encourage the loved one to eat more cake when they are diabetic
- ask “You remember me?” or “You remember Alfred from down the street?”
- say “Your house used to be so nicely decorated for Christmas, what happen now?”
- say “So you need someone to feed you now?”
The real challenge comes when you need to stop a conversation dead in its track. YES, YES, YES this is a true test of you taking the bull by the horn. Remember, YOU are responsible for the best care for your loved one.
Dietary restrictions
We all know how our Trini Christmas menu can stretch from A to Z. However, we must also ensure that the dietary requirements of our loved one are maintained: You can have little cheats, but ensure that they are spaced out and not causing harm in the long run.
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